


Let it Burn

by ForceMage56



Series: The Phoenix Never Dies [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman: Arkham (Video Games), DCU, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Jason comes to terms with a lot of things, Jason says goodbye, Or maybe one big thing, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 17:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16686094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForceMage56/pseuds/ForceMage56
Summary: Jason says goodbye to everything he's ever known.





	Let it Burn

**Author's Note:**

> This is a quick little one-shot I typed up last night so this particular plot bunny would stop gnawing on my leg. It's set a year after Jason escapes Gotham but a year before the epilogue.
> 
> Yes, the epilogue is coming hopefully next month. If my calc 2 final doesn't kill me first.
> 
> Inspired by the song Let it Burn by Citizen Soldier.

It was a lot harder than he thought it would be.

It’s not a difficult decision. His old gear is beyond repair, Joker made sure of that. He has no reason to try to replace it anyway. The Red Hood is dead. Has been dead for almost two years now.

It’s hard to put an exact date on when this facet of his identity crumbled. Time gets funny when you're trapped in an underground cell drugged up on god knows what for the better part of a year. As far as Jason’s concerned The Red Hood died the second he set foot on Arkham. Something dies inside when you’re dragged through those iron gates. He’d say it was his faith in humanity except that had been dead and rotting long before he even became Robin.

Jason dumps the last of his old gear into an empty oil drum and pours a gallon of gasoline over it. It had taken a while to get all of it out of the city with the Bats still looking for him even though he had left Gotham behind a year ago. He wasn't going within a mile of the city if he could help it. Selina had contacted him a few months ago and offered to gather up whatever that Bats hadn't found yet and send it to him. ‘Tie up loose ends’ she had said. To get some closure.

Jason is just about to drop the last jacket into the drum when something falls out of an interior pocket.

Jason stares at the piece of metal uncomprehending until he remembers why on earth he had kept a single bullet in his jacket. Why he would always carry an extra bullet on him at all times.

Jason drops the jacket on the pile and kneels down. He picks up the bullet and weighs it in his hand.

For when life becomes too much. When the pounding in his chest feels too much like a punch to the gut. When every breath of air scrapes his throat raw. This was his way out.

That’s the funny thing about coming back to life. It hurts worse than dying.

Dying ends when you die. It doesn't matter if you die quick or you die slowly at the end you die. Full stop. Coming back to life? You think you know pain, you think nothing can hurt half as much as the air in your lungs turning to fire and ash as you fight to breathe. That first breath you take when you come back? That’s pain.

Life hurts a hell of a lot more than death. He doesn't remember much. He couldn’t tell you if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel or Satan’s smiling face. There was nothing. No pain, no fight, no fear. He was at peace, for the first time ever he was at peace.

And now he’s not.

How are you supposed to be happy to be alive when every breath scalds your lungs and light feels like a branding iron. No, worse than a branding iron. Every touch feels like a god damned sanding belt and the blood in his veins burns him alive with every beat of his heart.

Waking up in his own grave had been a whole other kind of nightmare. The panic and will to survive had pushed everything to the side. All he could focus on was survival. It wasn't until later when Talia had restored his mind that he could feel again and once he could… He should have stayed dead.

The Pit couldn’t stop the pain but it could distract him. He held on to his anger because the second he lets go the pain would come back. Telling him that something’s wrong. That he doesn't belong here.

He couldn’t agree more.

Jason loads the single bullet into his sidearm.

The Red Hood is dead. He’s done, he did what he came back to do. The Joker is done, a vegetable trapped in his own head. Jason can leave now too. He doesn't have to suffer anymore.

It’s not like he’ll be missed. Not really. No one will miss the person he was. They’ll miss the person they wanted him to be. They’ll mourn the chance they had to ‘help’ him. No one will miss him.

Jason looks down at the gun in his hand. A part of him wishes that he had used this the second before he had gotten caught. The rest of him… He wasn't going to die when the Joker was still breathing. He had a job to do.

And now it’s done.

Jason raises the gun to his head.

All he has to do is pull the trigger and it’s all over. He can go back to sleep. He’s finally got his way out. He should have never come back in the first place. This was a long time coming. Three pounds of pressure is all it takes. The easiest thing in the world.

A gunshot rings through the warehouse.

The bullet ignites the gasoline in the drum sending the contents up in flames.

Jason watches his old helmet burn and crack. Watches the red melt and warp until it’s unrecognizable. Watches it all burn.

It would have been so easy to have put that bullet in his head. Too easy. He’s never been one to take the easy way out.

That is not how he ends.

The Red Hood is done, but he’s not. Jason Todd is not done, not by a long shot.

And he’s not leaving this world without one hell of a fight.

Jason pulls up the hood on his grey sweatshirt and walks out of the warehouse. Walks away from everything he ever was. From The Red Hood, from Gotham, from Robin. Letting it all burn away until it’s nothing but ashes on the wind.

Gone. All of it.

He has nothing left and the entire world at his feet.

So this is what freedom feels like.

He could get used to this.

He steps back into the shadows just as a fleet of black definitely armored vehicles squeal to a stop in front of an old warehouse that Jason knows is a weapons stash for the Hong Kong Triad.

One of the men piling out of the cars just so happens to be the leader of the local syndicate.

Jason unholsters his sidearm and fades back into the shadows of the docks until he’s nothing more than a ghost.

Oh, yeah. He’s not going anywhere.

He’s not done with this world yet.

_ All this hell you've lived and seen, _ __  
_ Drown it all in gasoline _ __  
_ Then light a match, pull the pin, _ __  
_ You are not, who you've been, _ __  
_ The past is just lessons learned, _ __  
_ So light it up, and let it burn. _ _  
_ __ -Let it burn, Citizen Soldier


End file.
